I just got done having a mini melt down thanks to our lovely Social Security Administration. Geeesh it is just a little letter and questionnaire about my health over the last two years that I have to fill out, but the very thought of losing my benefits put me in a serious tail spin.
I started thinking about what I would do. Where I would find a job. All the choices I would have to make because I know in my heart I cannot work and be an effective wife and mother. Yes, I have been able to run and actually train for a half marathon. That is a great improvement, however I have not been symptom free. If you look back at previous posts you will see my adventures in Steroidlandia. I have many cognitive issues that drive me nuts sometimes, and a constant numbness on my right side. Even with these things I know I could lose my benefits.
The thing that worries me most is that when I started on SSDI I felt that I wasn't contributing enough by not actually working, now if I lose my benefits I won't be contributing anything at all. If I do go back to work what's to say I won't lose my job for having a relapse. It's happened before, of course they couldn't say it was because of my Multiple Sclerosis, but because I wasn't "productive" enough, my schedule wasn't open enough anymore, or just whatever excuse they could use to make it legal.
Keith says I'm just overreacting, and maybe I am. I just am tired of being in this situation. I never feel like I am doing enough, and I hate to feel like the little I am able to offer my family could be taken. Keith works really hard to provide for us. I know as a mother the time I spend with my daughters is very important, but that doesn't pay for my dryer to be fixed, or new tires for my car.
Uggghhh. Frustration is not my friend, but it is my constant companion.