Yesterday I told my husband I give up on running. I said I wasn't getting any better after all these years, I'm still fat, and I'm just too old to keep starting over after every M.S. relapse. I said I was tired and just plain done. I claimed I found no joy in running anymore. My tirade included the fact that I'm sick of being cold all the time and the entire state of Ohio. I was on a roll. I was going to pack up my running gear and chuck it all. I even flipped over the medal I earned in November for finishing my first half marathon so I couldn't see it. Nope I wasn't going to run ever again. I know I look ridiculous when I run. I slap my right foot down too hard and it turns in. I'm sick of having to start all over again after a relapse keeps me off my feet for weeks at a time. Chup listened to all of this and didn't say a word. He just stood there and took it all in. I said this was really it this time. He still stayed silent. I said, "I mean it, I'm done." No reply. I let the matter drop and went on with the rest of my night. We went to bed and out of nowhere he said "so you're going to the park tomorrow?" I said "no", much like a pouty five year old would.
I ran 3 miles today.
It was a hard three miles. My legs felt heavy and of course my slappy-mcslapperson gait was very prominent. My head was itchy and my bra felt too tight. I felt sluggish.
The thing is after the first mile none of that mattered. I got into my groove and just let everything fall away. My legs still felt heavy, but I just told myself it was because they were working so hard. There were squirrels, bunnies and deer everywhere. I started to feel like Snow White. I didn't notice my slappy feet, and my bra was much more comfortable. I finished my three miles in a respectable time, but most important is that I started the three miles. Once I got home Chup called and said he knew I would do it and I should be proud because I'm not sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself. He has a point.
I hope everyone who reads this has something they can feel proud of doing. It's important when you are in a situation like ours to have at least one thing we do for ourselves that has nothing to do with our illness.