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Thursday, June 4, 2015

I run....

I haven't written about running lately.  I've been doing it, but just not very good in my opinion.  I get so frustrated with myself.  I feel like I'm going backwards instead of progressing. My pace is a slow 12-12:30/mile lately. It used to be in the 10s and 11s.   I work so hard for every stinking mile I do.  My energy levels have plummeted to a new low lately and just keeping up with my daily life is hard, let alone trying to run.

I keep telling myself not to complain, that I'm lucky to be able to run. 
Then I get pissed! Why should I feel lucky I can run?  Why should I feel grateful to do something others can do without even thinking about it. 
Then I feel guilty because I know that not everyone who is afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis can walk let a lone run. 


Yikes! Who knew a three mile run could involve so much drama?  In the end I am grateful I can still get about on my own for now.  When I run my slow three miles I'm doing it for all the times I wasn't able to run.
I run for the days when I won't be able to in the future.
I run for therapy.
I run for focus.
I run to hide from M.S. even for a little while.
I run to feel strong even though I'm not.
I run for everyone who can't walk let along run.

I run because I love being in park navigating the trails. I hear the birds in the summer and feel the snowflakes on my eyelashes in the winter. It is my heaven and haven. 
In the end I am grateful I can still run.