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Monday, November 11, 2013

I DID IT!!! I really did it!

I DID IT!!! I really did it! Wow....I did it. Now what?

What did I do? I ran and finished my first ever half marathon on Saturday November 9.  I didn't finish in the front of the race, or even the middle of the pack.  My 2:45 finish time put me in the back as the #601 finisher out of 670 runners, but I'm not complaining.  I ran it my way and just stayed in the moment for those two hours and forty five minutes.

It was hard, even brutal at times. The twenty MPH wind gusts in my face for most of the run were just cruel.  I hit a real bad attitude wall at about mile seven.  I was in pain, my right foot tends to drop and when I get tired it my gait gets funky and my toes and forefoot really start to hurt.  I was starting to think "this is stupid, what the hell am I doing?, screw this shit, screw this race" and when I was passed by the speed walkers-yeah that stung- I was just over it. I was pissed and pissy.   Oh, did I forget to mention when I get angry I tend to talk out loud to myself?  Yes, I became the crazy eyed, zombie runner mumbling curse words to herself.  Lovely.  Then I started thinking to myself "well hell you have to finish the damn thing because you are not climbing into the "sag wagon" and being driven back."  I saw a water station up ahead grabbed a cup of water from on volunteer who said " you're doing great! more than half way done, you can do it!"  Thank you perky volunteer lady because I really needed that!

I got a little pep in my step again and when I rounded the corner at mile 8 and saw my time and the photographer I put on the biggest smile I could and just kept going.  I think I ran with that goofy grin for the next 4 miles and just stayed in the zone.

Mile 12 hit and the sign said "mile 12 the miracle mile"  Yeah it was a miracle I finished it because that mile was nothing but one long steep hill!  Again I started talking out loud to myself and to anyone who would listen, " are they serious with this shit?!, what the hell?! Oh I'll do this and then write a strongly worded email to the even coordinators, you better believe it, blahblahblah"
Well I got over that hill and went back into my zone and when I came on to the volunteer standing at the 400 yards to go mark she looked at me and said "you are the most peaceful looking runner I have seen all day.  You look beautiful!"  that's all I needed I came around the corner to the finish line, heard friends calling my name saw my Mom and two beautiful daughters, and my husband who finished before me clapping and cheering me across.  The announcer said my name and I was done.  I did it! I really did it!

I don't know if I ever want to do it again, but it's something I will always keep with me.  I may not be able to walk in the future, but I will always remember that I stuck this out and completed something that most "healthy" people won't even attempt.  I didn't let my illness stop me and I won't let anyone tell me I'm not supposed to do these things because I have Multiple Sclerosis.  I ran my own race and I will run my own M.S.

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