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Monday, December 16, 2013

Dropped the ball...again

Well, I dropped the ball once again.  My oldest progeny had an appointment for her swim physical and I completely spaced on it so she missed the appointment.  It was last Monday, so I have to scramble and  get her in ASAP so she doesn't become ineligible.  I hate this! I really do.  I feel so off all the time. I can't keep track of the simplest things anymore.  I had the appointment written on the calendar, but the calendar is so covered in my "notes" that I missed it.  I feel like I'm always trying to play catch up. I'm tired.  I'm frustrated.  I'm sick of trying to speak and having nonsense come out or worse yet, trying to find the words that won't come and just feeling foolish. 

I have discussed all this with my doctor, and as of my last MRI I know I do have active lesions, but the knowing does nothing to relieve the feeling of inadequateness -is that even a word?- that I have. 

I know I am very fortunate to still be able to drive, walk and get around, but those are the things people see.  Sure I can get Dancy Daughter to the studio five nights a week, and I can make sure I can get Swimmer Girl to the pool everyday, but that seems to be the extent of my skill level right now.

I have been really teary for the last couple weeks, actually almost a month now.  I don't know how to discuss this with anyone so I just keep it on the down low and deal.  I don't want to burden my number one man with it, he has so much going on at the base right now, and I honestly don't have any friends left.  I have successfully pushed them all away over the years and now I sit here boohooing over something that is my own fault.
 I don't know, maybe it's the weather, maybe I'm just nuts.  I'll just keep taking my Cymbalta- Really, I have no choice because one you start that demon formed medication you can't stop-and keep going.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

What I wish I said

 You know when you are in a conversation and a comment is made and you can't think of anything to say at the time and just keep quiet, but then once you're home you replay the whole thing in your head with the perfect response of what you should have said.  Yeah so that happened to me this week.

I was privy to an upsetting conversation the other night at my daughter's dance studio.  There is a mom there that I generally don't care for, we just don't jive, but that's ok, since I can usually just ignore her. 
Tuesday night that was not the case.  The mother sends her child to one of our local Catholic schools and when she was asked a question about the current Bishop leaving, she replied she did not really know how the school administrators felt about it because she is not as active at the school as she has been in the years past.  She then follows up with this reason....

 "our school is only concerned with the poor families and voucher kids and I'm tired of it.  If the voucher kids don't have uniforms they give them to them, if the poor kids can't afford to go on a trip we all have to do fundraisers, I can afford to pay I don't want to do the fundraisers........" and so on and so on.

To say I was pissed is an understatement!  I was completely furious, and had to bite my tongue because I just didn't know what to say at the time that wasn't filled with vulgarities and would have been completely inappropriate in the  current location.  The more I thought about it for the past couple of days the more angry I become.  Here is a woman who is able to give her child anything she wants whenever she wants it. Dance lessons every night of the week except for the one night she has horseback riding lessons, an Iphone, Ipad, a closet that is bigger than my 14 year old's bedroom, trips to Disney twice a year,  yet I hear her begrudging children an education because they come from a "poor" family.  Who does that? I mean really, why would you who has so much, be angry that the church is actually doing what it is intended to do by ministering to the less fortunate?   I listen to  this woman every week talk about about being a Christian and hearing her speak about the less fortunate kids at school was the antithesis of Christianity.

I don't know why I am always so surprised to hear people who spew this kind of venom out into the world, but I really always am.  Call me naive I guess.