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Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Last Few Months

Seems I'm back after a long few months.  Life just didn't allow me the time or clarity to post anything recently.  I have to be honest I'm still not experiencing the clarity of mind that I would want, but such as life with Mutliple Sclerosis.

Here are a few updates:
  I moved my daughter down to college in August. She is 4 hours away and it feels like she is a whole continent away.  She is my hero.  She has taken this new challenge on and is thriving through all the stressful, sleepless nights of studying.  She has her eyes on Johns Hopkins for med school.  Did I ever mention she is a Neuroscience major?  Most people think she chose that line of study because she grew up with me and M.S., that may be partially true, but she also has an insatiable need to know how our bodies work.

The fifteen year old has switched her focus from all dance to theater. She is determined to be on stage in New York someday,  This girl has a talent for everything creative.  Writing is becoming a passion for her and let me tell you she is good.  She wrote a fictional story about an abusive mother who turns out to be a serial killer.  At one point the teacher actually wrote on her paper "oh dear, I hope this is fiction?"  Well duh.  I told her if your creative writing teacher doesn't question your home life then your not doing it right.

My parents are in the middle of a move to a new home that has been a total cluster fuck from the get go. They decided to downsize due to my Dad's health. They had quite a bit of land and a larger house. It breaks my heart because this was my Dad's dream home when they moved in 15 years ago. He worked so hard his whole life and accomplished things most of his family couldn't.  He never graduated high school, but worked his ass off, holding sometimes two and three jobs.  When he had to stop working due to Rheumatoid Arthritis and IPF (hardening of the lungs) he was lost.  This house became his sanctuary. Thanks to my Ma and her skill with plantings the property looked like a park. I took him aside and said, "I know this is not ideal or where you thought you would be at this stage of your life, but I'm here and will help make the new house a home for you".  I have only seen my dad cry a few times. He didn't cry then, but his eyes teared up and that kind of broke something in me.

I'm still taking my Tecfidera twice a day. I'm still itching like a dog with fleas from it, but at least I don't to poke myself with needles anymore.   I feel like my eyes are a bit jacked up from from this stuff, but I haven't made a doctors appointment. I will soon.

So there you have it. My recent life in a blog post. So exciting right?

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Missing teen!

This not my normal post, but i am sharing this picture for a friend of mine. Sule is her step son and has been missing since 6/30/15 front the Distict Heights Md area. His family is desperate to have him back.  Please share.

Saturday, June 20, 2015


These are the faces of senseless violence. Our government officials are afraid to say yes this was a racially motivated hate crime because once they admit it they have to do something about it.

 Let's not wait for them. Let's take a minute to look at, really look at the faces of these human beings that died for no other reason than they were black, Focus on the smiles and the kindness in their eyes, not the color of their skin.

 Say a prayer, send positive healing energy, whatever you believe, but don't stop there. We always need to be conscience of the world we are living in and be an active participant in the changes we pray for.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

I run....

I haven't written about running lately.  I've been doing it, but just not very good in my opinion.  I get so frustrated with myself.  I feel like I'm going backwards instead of progressing. My pace is a slow 12-12:30/mile lately. It used to be in the 10s and 11s.   I work so hard for every stinking mile I do.  My energy levels have plummeted to a new low lately and just keeping up with my daily life is hard, let alone trying to run.

I keep telling myself not to complain, that I'm lucky to be able to run. 
Then I get pissed! Why should I feel lucky I can run?  Why should I feel grateful to do something others can do without even thinking about it. 
Then I feel guilty because I know that not everyone who is afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis can walk let a lone run. 

Yikes! Who knew a three mile run could involve so much drama?  In the end I am grateful I can still get about on my own for now.  When I run my slow three miles I'm doing it for all the times I wasn't able to run.
I run for the days when I won't be able to in the future.
I run for therapy.
I run for focus.
I run to hide from M.S. even for a little while.
I run to feel strong even though I'm not.
I run for everyone who can't walk let along run.

I run because I love being in park navigating the trails. I hear the birds in the summer and feel the snowflakes on my eyelashes in the winter. It is my heaven and haven. 
In the end I am grateful I can still run.