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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Why I run

I figured out today why I run.  It's not solely for health, and it's not a really noble reason either.  I run away from stuff.  I run away from feelings I don't like. I run away from situations I don't want to face. 
I run from self-doubt, self-loathing.
I run from feeling like I'm not enough, a loser, a failure.
 I run from being needy.
I run from fear.  Fear of everything.  Fear of losing everything, losing everyone I love and need.
I run from loss.  Loss of friends, family, my old life, my motivation.
I run from the Monster.  Not the MS monster, but the monster I believe MS has created of me.
I run from the fact that someone will catchup to me and see through the mask and see the the chaos behind it. 
I run from the jumble of thoughts that are constantly buzzing in my brain and can't be organized.
I run from all the things I dream of, but will never be.
I run from the tears, and the anger.

What I run to I'm not sure yet, but it has to be better than what I'm running from right?

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