I figured out today why I run. It's not solely for health, and it's not a really noble reason either. I run away from stuff. I run away from feelings I don't like. I run away from situations I don't want to face.
I run from self-doubt, self-loathing.
I run from feeling like I'm not enough, a loser, a failure.
I run from being needy.
I run from fear. Fear of everything. Fear of losing everything, losing everyone I love and need.
I run from loss. Loss of friends, family, my old life, my motivation.
I run from the Monster. Not the MS monster, but the monster I believe MS has created of me.
I run from the fact that someone will catchup to me and see through the mask and see the the chaos behind it.
I run from the jumble of thoughts that are constantly buzzing in my brain and can't be organized.
I run from all the things I dream of, but will never be.
I run from the tears, and the anger.
What I run to I'm not sure yet, but it has to be better than what I'm running from right?
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