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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Needle Fatigue

With all the needle pokes I have endured in my life the last 20 plus years you'd think I'd have some bad ass, freaking epic tattoo to show for them.  Instead I look like I have been attacked by an octopus with all the round welts all over my stomach, legs, and hips. They really aren't that bad, and eventually fade, but there is always a round, red mark somewhere on my body at any given day. Such is life in the body of an M.Ser.

Some days those little red marks bother me more than others. It's not really the welts, but the shots that cause them.  There are days when I just can't even look at the syringe without wanting to cry.  In my mind the needle swells to gigantic proportions and the little pin prick hurts more than labor.  Dramatic much? You bet. 

My Doc calls it needle fatigue.  Sometimes a person encounters a mental block for whatever reason when it comes to self injections. I have been through this many times over the years. How did I get over it?  Mostly guilt.  I'll end up having a relapse and feel bad that I didn't do everything I could to control the Monster.  Sometimes my Doc will use my kids against me and say I'm not being the best mother I can be if I don't take care of myself.  There is a look that my husband gets when he finds out I have been shirking my shots that will do it for me too.

I have also found that if I make it part of my bedtime ritual I won't be able to relax until the deed it done.  I'll lay out my shot and sharps bin, take a warm shower and inject away.  Then I'll reward myself with a glass of red wine.  Sometimes I'll treat myself to a mud mask or a paint my toe nails.  I will tell myself I can't read one line in whatever fantasy/mystery/scifi book I'm currently living vicariously through until I inject.  If I feel really anti-shot I'll throw a tweet out there and I know I can count on at least one of my fellow M.S. warriors to give me some encouragement.  That really helps a lot, because I know they are going through the same thing.

While all these tricks keep me on track for the most part,  much of keeping to my injection schedule is self control. I know there is some wiggle room with the schedule, but I tend to take it to a full on booty shaking twerking room place, and then before you know it I haven't done a shot in a week or two.  I just have to do it every Monday, Weds, and Friday with no deviations.

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