I'm feeling pretty bummed today. The one thing that makes me feel normal and good about myself has been causing me a lot of pain lately. I can't hardly walk in the mornings because my right foot is killing me. My right ankle is swollen and my heel hurts to touch. I know it's probably Plantar Faciitis, but I haven't been to the doctor because I really hate going to the doctor. I have no patience for ailments other than the Monster in my life. Stupid? Yeppers, and now I'm paying for it. I don't know why this is happening now after all these years. My only guess is because I already had issues with slight foot drop in my right leg I have just made it worse somehow. Whatever the cause the result is an extremely unhappy me. I just want to feel good about myself and running was one thing I did that helped. I get frustrated because I'm not as fast as other women my age and I haven't really lost any weight, but still I love it. Sure I can go to the park and walk now that I "came out" to my running buddies there, but that's not what I want to do. I want to feel strong. I want to feel healthy.
My real issue is I liked the routine of running. Getting my clothes together in the morning, lacing up my shoes, driving to the park and running. Then I would get home jump in the shower and try to figure out the rest of my day. Now I am just floundering. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't concentrate on a project long enough to complete one. My house is a mess and I don't know where to start so I just don't. I am completely frustrated and overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I feel like I just sit here on hold until I have to pick someone up from band, or take another one to work and then pick her up. It's only 11:30, but I have to think about what to make for dinner already because of all the running the girls have to do. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to run away. I want to run away for just an hour. I want to run.