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Thursday, July 17, 2014

exhusted....

Fatigue is a big symptom for those of us with Multiple Sclerosis.  In my opinion it can be as debilitating as not being able to walk or see properly.  People don't always understand when you tell them "I'm tired".  They often reply, "Me too" or "yeah, I didn't sleep well last either last night"  I for one do not want to come off as a drama queen and say "no, I mean I know I just got up an hour ago, after a full 10hrs of sleep,  but I need to go back to bed before I fall on my face, but the thought of dragging my body the 20 feet to my bed makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry."

I only have so much energy and when I run in the morning I use up most of my allotment in those 3-5 miles. Then the rest of my day is shot for the most part. I have to really pick and choose my projects
I hate being tired. I have stuff to do you know.  I mean come on, I don't work so my house should be pristine.  It's not.  I should be sewing, or painting, or cleaning something, but I right now I can't even think about getting out of this chair to get a glass of water.  Seriously kicking myself right now for not teaching my dogs how to use the automatic water/ice dispenser on the fridge.

It's not just the physical aspect of fatigue that gets to me.  I am so fuzzy in the brain I have a hard time reading for any length of time because my comprehension skills are nil.  God forbid I have to pick someone up from somewhere at a certain time. Wow that was top notch writing right there. Brain fuzz.  Just listening to my daughters talk about their day wears me out, never mind actually participating in the conversation.  "Wait, you mean I have two kids? Oh right, right..." 

I know people say "take a nap".  I hate naps. "WHAT?" you say. "Who hates naps?",you ask incredulously.  Me. I'll say it again. I. Hate. Naps.  I always feel like a schlub  napping when I know my husband is at work busting his cute little tush.  I have one job, take care of the house. When I'm napping I'm not doing dishes, laundry, and that sweeper doesn't run itself.  Damn, now I'm kicking myself for not getting a Roomba.   

I tend to have varying degrees of fatigue.  I'm not always completely useless for days on end, but I always have to plan my energy expenditure very carefully.  It's very frustrating to me because I would love to be a little more spontaneous, but spontaneity takes energy.  Maybe I should just give myself a break, teach the dogs how to use the water dispenser, buy a Roomba and take a nap.

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