Breathe

My trail in the park, my "home"

I haven't run in weeks.  It's been cold, like dangerous bitter and tons of snow.  I refuse to run inside on a treadmill.  I actually have anxiety about going to the YMCA and running on the dreadmill.  I don't like people too close to me because I feel like I run weird because my gait is off and I tend to slap. I'm also a heavy sweater.  I'm a slappin' sweatin' hot mess.  I just can't bring myself to walk up those stairs and get on a treadmill in front of others.

Well, I got my butt in gear and went for a run today.  It was only 13 degrees outside, but not bad once I got started.  I really didn't know how much I needed it until I pulled into the park and and my eyes started to prickle with tears.  I was taken slightly aback by it really.  It was like coming home after a long trip.  Running for me has really been a life saver.  It keeps me steady and calm.  I can forget so many things while I run.  I feel normal.  I feel strong.  I don't have to think about anything.  I don't have to worry about my words coming out as nonsense.  I don't have to think about how to pay my electric bill this month. I don't have to analyze every numb or tingly spot on my body.  I don't have to think about where my next injection should be tonight.  I just have to breathe. 

I really hope that those of you out there reading this have something you can do to just let everything drift away for at least an hour of your day.  Meditate.  Read a book. Write a book.  Paint or draw.  Just find something where all you have to do is breathe.  Trust me it's worth it.