|My trail in the park, my "home"|
I haven't run in weeks. It's been cold, like dangerous bitter and tons of snow. I refuse to run inside on a treadmill. I actually have anxiety about going to the YMCA and running on the dreadmill. I don't like people too close to me because I feel like I run weird because my gait is off and I tend to slap. I'm also a heavy sweater. I'm a slappin' sweatin' hot mess. I just can't bring myself to walk up those stairs and get on a treadmill in front of others.
Well, I got my butt in gear and went for a run today. It was only 13 degrees outside, but not bad once I got started. I really didn't know how much I needed it until I pulled into the park and and my eyes started to prickle with tears. I was taken slightly aback by it really. It was like coming home after a long trip. Running for me has really been a life saver. It keeps me steady and calm. I can forget so many things while I run. I feel normal. I feel strong. I don't have to think about anything. I don't have to worry about my words coming out as nonsense. I don't have to think about how to pay my electric bill this month. I don't have to analyze every numb or tingly spot on my body. I don't have to think about where my next injection should be tonight. I just have to breathe.