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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Feeling Minnesota...

Well here I am again, I'm going to try and not be so whiny and self pitying today, but I am still feeling pretty nostalgic and sometimes I just drown in the memories.  Anyone else feel me on this?

Music tends to bring this on for me.  I have loved music since I was a little girl.  My mom had this stereo cabinet in our dining room.  I would just lay on the floor for hours listening to the radio or albums.  I would stare at the Fleetwood Mac album cover for Rumors.  It just fascinated me for some reason.  Queen A night at the Opera, was also a much played album in my house.  Rickie Lee Jones was my all time favorite.  So much so I purchased a cassette of the album in my early 20's wore that out and ordered a CD about 5 yrs ago of the same album.   She just looked so cool on that cover with her hat not looking at the camera lighting her smoke.  Her songs and music always transported me and I could actually see in my mind the characters she sang about.  There were so many others, in the 80's I was all about metal and rock.  Motley Crue's Shout at The Devil album blew my mind at 13 yrs old and I never looked back.

So you can see I have a pretty strong connection with music.  Well today, I was cleaning the house IHeart Radio blasting through my speakers mostly 90's stuff.  The Freshman by the Verve Pipe came on.  I haven't heard that song in such a long time, but it always made me feel like I was in my twenties again. It's the perfect "hey I'm young so it's not my fault song".  That's not why it speaks to me so much though.  I am always reminded of all the mistakes I made back then when I hear it.  I was not the best friend, girlfriend or wife back then.  I always thought "hell, I'm just trying to live my life on my own terms here, and if you don't like it screw you"  So anyhow that song got to me a bit then a few Red Hot Chili Peppers songs came on and I dare anyone not be be touched by the way Anthony Kiedis just spews his soul right into your heart while he sings.  OK I can handle that though, a little weepy but not too bad.  THEN Green Day's Time of Your Life comes on and I just fell right to the floor in the dining room and sobbed.  Big fat ugly crying sobbing.  Not pretty crying here. Just snotty nosed, red eyes, wipe my face with my Tshirt sobbing.  Why?  I recently lost an old friend that died just way too young.  She was 41.  We met in junior high because she was trying to cheat off my paper, "hey can you move your arm so I can see?"  "What?!"  Oh yeah I new this ballsy chick and I were going to be friends. We had some mutual friends and starting hanging out nonstop.  We were  "bad" girls, smoking, drinking, cutting school it was the time of my life!  We would always listen to music and there was a radio station that we could call and dedicate songs to people with a little message.  We did that all the time.  She was a lot more crazy than I was when it came to boys and very sexually active even at 13 yrs old.  Well she ended up pregnant by 14.  God bless my mom for letting me still hang out with her.  It was the best form of contraception ever for me! She eventually dropped out of school and we lost touch because I was trying to get my shit together and finish.  When I met my future husband we pretty much stopped talking all together.  We were 16 and she already had 2 kids.

We met up again by chance at the Grocery store several years later I was pregnant with my second daughter at the time, but it was like no time ever went by.  We started talking again, going to each others` kids birthday parties,  just hanging out.  Then her marriage broke up and so did our friendship again.  We mostly just got busy and it was hard to find the time for it.  She had four kids and my two were still little.  We did stay in touch via Facebook though, and so it was  huge surprise when I found out she passed away.  I cried a little bit.  Was sad, but pushed it down and went on with my life.  This was two weeks ago.  Today I heard that song and cried for Tracy, for me, for our childhood, for her father, for her kids, for her SIX grandkids, for her brother , for everyone.

  I wish I could write a song for her, but I'll just dedicate Time of Your Life  to her instead.  With the message " It was short, but I know you had the time of your life"

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