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Thursday, February 28, 2013

I love my lists

Today is a bad focus day for me.  I can't really concentrate on anything, I keep bouncing from one unfinished chore to another.  Prioritization is non existent at the moment.  I'm easily frustrated and moody.  Sound like PMS to you? Well it's actually MS.  To be more specific it's a side effect of my medication and MS lesions.  Think is sounds bad just imagine PMS + MS , yikes time to run for the hills!

How do I handle this? Now I just sit down and write a list of things I need to do.  I write down everything that comes to mind no matter how off the wall it is.
Grocery store: check
clean the bathroom: check
repaint all the woodwork in the house today: if  I have time

Sometimes if I can get an early enough run in the list will be in my mind, but it seems clearer and more doable.  That's the beauty of running for me. I can think about anything, but all my chores don't seem so daunting.

This hasn't always been the case for me.  I used to be paralyzed by the mounting chores and everyday life  things that needed to be done I wouldn't even know where to start.  So I wouldn't do anything.  Then I would be mad and frustrated even more because I wasn't accomplishing anything.  It was a vicious cycle.  When I worked it was even worse because I always wanted to please everyone at my job and not make mistakes that someone would have to clean up that I would get stressed and exhausted and eventually bring on a relapse.  Then I would miss work and people would have to cover my shifts and clean up what I left.  By the time I got home from work  I couldn't function like the wife and mom I wanted to be.

My list notebook
Now that I don't work outside the home life has become more manageable.  I can plan days around the day after my Rebif shot when I tend to be less focused and more moody.  I still have the not being able to focus quite a bit, but now I can handle it on my time and in my own way.  I love my lists.  They make me feel more in control of my life.  I like to see each item checked off when I accomplish a task, and the ones that are left don't seem as insurmountable on paper as they are in my mind. I always hand write them on regular notebook paper.  I like to see them and have easy access to them for notes.  I scribble and doodle, all things I can't do on my phone notepad.  I also keep all my lists.  I love looking back over them and feeling like I have been living.

Today will be a list day for me.
update blog: check


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