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Thursday, June 4, 2015

I run....

I haven't written about running lately.  I've been doing it, but just not very good in my opinion.  I get so frustrated with myself.  I feel like I'm going backwards instead of progressing. My pace is a slow 12-12:30/mile lately. It used to be in the 10s and 11s.   I work so hard for every stinking mile I do.  My energy levels have plummeted to a new low lately and just keeping up with my daily life is hard, let alone trying to run.

I keep telling myself not to complain, that I'm lucky to be able to run. 
Then I get pissed! Why should I feel lucky I can run?  Why should I feel grateful to do something others can do without even thinking about it. 
Then I feel guilty because I know that not everyone who is afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis can walk let a lone run. 


Yikes! Who knew a three mile run could involve so much drama?  In the end I am grateful I can still get about on my own for now.  When I run my slow three miles I'm doing it for all the times I wasn't able to run.
I run for the days when I won't be able to in the future.
I run for therapy.
I run for focus.
I run to hide from M.S. even for a little while.
I run to feel strong even though I'm not.
I run for everyone who can't walk let along run.

I run because I love being in park navigating the trails. I hear the birds in the summer and feel the snowflakes on my eyelashes in the winter. It is my heaven and haven. 
In the end I am grateful I can still run.


2 comments:

  1. Hi Jeannine,

    I read your blog on the MS website (http://www.mymsteam.com/about/guidelines). I'm not a runner, but I can totally relate! Pls add me to your friend group...I was unable to find you. My username is ConnieZacharkan. Look forward to reading more!
    Take care,
    Connie

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  2. Jeannine,

    I read your blog I RUN. It reminded me so much of me. Of how I feel and of how I want to so much run again. I was at my best with a 4:56 mile. Now I bet that would be in the teens. I often think and daydream of all the places I have been while running and all the places that I have ended up in. You loose yourself while running, before you know it your a few suburbs away from where you originally started. That is life, to run and not care where you end up. It is a time where all your worries and pains disappear and everything is Perfect. As i sit on my porch i see plenty of young & old jogging thru the neighborhood, I smile and think back of all the miles all the races & all the people I have met while I ran. PRICELESS, if your not a runner it wouldn't make sense to you, if you are, then you know exactly what i'm saying. Who knows, maybe a cane or maybe a walker or wheelchair. I'll get to that mile again & that peace & tranquil state of mind.

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