I haven't written about running lately. I've been doing it, but just not very good in my opinion. I get so frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm going backwards instead of progressing. My pace is a slow 12-12:30/mile lately. It used to be in the 10s and 11s. I work so hard for every stinking mile I do. My energy levels have plummeted to a new low lately and just keeping up with my daily life is hard, let alone trying to run.
I keep telling myself not to complain, that I'm lucky to be able to run.
Then I get pissed! Why should I feel lucky I can run? Why should I feel grateful to do something others can do without even thinking about it.
Then I feel guilty because I know that not everyone who is afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis can walk let a lone run.
Yikes! Who knew a three mile run could involve so much drama? In the end I am grateful I can still get about on my own for now. When I run my slow three miles I'm doing it for all the times I wasn't able to run.
I run for the days when I won't be able to in the future.
I run for therapy.
I run for focus.
I run to hide from M.S. even for a little while.
I run to feel strong even though I'm not.
I run for everyone who can't walk let along run.
I run because I love being in park navigating the trails. I hear the birds in the summer and feel the snowflakes on my eyelashes in the winter. It is my heaven and haven.
In the end I am grateful I can still run.