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Friday, December 21, 2012

Weebles Wobble

Remember the weeble wobble theme song? "weebles wobble, but they don't fall down"  I like to think of myself as a weeble wobble.  I wobble around life and sometimes get knocked for a loop, but I don't let myself fall down.

Maybe I have the advantage of being diagnosed with MS so young.  You know that invincibility that you feel in your early 20's.  I still had my life ahead of me and could do anything. I could still party, and stay up all night.  I could drive straight through to Florida, an 18 hr trip, just for the weekend.  This disease was not going to define me, I wouldn't even give it a second thought. Unless I couldn't see out of my right eye, or I couldn't control my left arm, or I wasn't able walk, but hey I was young I would bounce back. Right?
 The disadvantage was the invincibility you feel in your early 20's.  I partied and drank and smoked, I didn't get enough sleep, I didn't take my Dr. seriously about disease modifying drugs, I didn't pay attention to my body until I couldn't see, or move my arms or legs, or I was so exhausted I kept losing jobs for calling off. I wobbled, but I didn't fall down.

When my 20's started winding down and I gave birth to my first daughter I started taking my diagnosis  a little more although not much, and when I had my second daughter at 28 I still wasn't fully on board with this whole taking better care of myself notion because now I had two precious little babies to raise.

I wish I could say I made all the right choices and called my Dr. immediately, but sadly I was still thinking with my 20 year in denial mind.  Not until I was hospitalized for about 2 wks when my youngest daughter was 9 did I grow up and start thinking like an adult.  My baby girl was so distraught that I was in the hospital she would text me at 3 and 4am every night to tell me how much she missed me, she couldn't go to school because she cried so much.
I really wobbled, but I couldn't fall down.

I finally made the commitment to the disease modifying drugs.  I eventually settled on Rebif.

I realize I should have been more proactive with my health.  Would it have made a difference to where I am at now I don't know, but it would have saved my loved ones many sleepless nights.

I still wobble especially after having to give up work for good, but that's another story and I didn't fall down.

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