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Monday, December 16, 2013

Dropped the ball...again

Well, I dropped the ball once again.  My oldest progeny had an appointment for her swim physical and I completely spaced on it so she missed the appointment.  It was last Monday, so I have to scramble and  get her in ASAP so she doesn't become ineligible.  I hate this! I really do.  I feel so off all the time. I can't keep track of the simplest things anymore.  I had the appointment written on the calendar, but the calendar is so covered in my "notes" that I missed it.  I feel like I'm always trying to play catch up. I'm tired.  I'm frustrated.  I'm sick of trying to speak and having nonsense come out or worse yet, trying to find the words that won't come and just feeling foolish. 

I have discussed all this with my doctor, and as of my last MRI I know I do have active lesions, but the knowing does nothing to relieve the feeling of inadequateness -is that even a word?- that I have. 

I know I am very fortunate to still be able to drive, walk and get around, but those are the things people see.  Sure I can get Dancy Daughter to the studio five nights a week, and I can make sure I can get Swimmer Girl to the pool everyday, but that seems to be the extent of my skill level right now.

I have been really teary for the last couple weeks, actually almost a month now.  I don't know how to discuss this with anyone so I just keep it on the down low and deal.  I don't want to burden my number one man with it, he has so much going on at the base right now, and I honestly don't have any friends left.  I have successfully pushed them all away over the years and now I sit here boohooing over something that is my own fault.
 I don't know, maybe it's the weather, maybe I'm just nuts.  I'll just keep taking my Cymbalta- Really, I have no choice because one you start that demon formed medication you can't stop-and keep going.

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