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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Changes and Decisions

This month has just flown by in a flurry of college applications for my Swimmer Girl and loads of "sign this so I can do that" for my Dancing Queen. I have to believe that the amount of paper work involved in my childrens` basic high school  education is solely responsible for the deforestation of entire tracks of land.  Even though It's been a major feat of organizational skill that I simply do not naturally possess, I have been able to keep up with it all pretty well, I think.  It's a big help that Swimmer Girl can drive now.  Both girls have joined the high school drama club and are hanging around together like the did when they were little.  Kinda cool I think, but of course I don't tell them that.  I find it crazy that things are changing so fast in their lives, but they are finding their way back to one another just the same.  When they were little they were inseperable and always called each other their best friends.  That started to change when Swimmer Girl turned ten.  The age when the "I hate you" hormones wake up and begin screaming through a girl's body.  Now at 17 and 15 they are actually civil and even nice to each other.

The husband and I have been having some issues lately, but we are working on them.  Mostly I think he's frustrated with work, and then dealing with my MS and anxiety is weighing on him.  I tried to find a therapist, but our insurance won't cover a therapist and Military One Source, who we used about four years ago, won't sign off on just me for free counseling because I am on Cymbalta and that is considered a medical session.  Seriously frustating.  I just wanted someone to talk to.  I have no friends I can talk things out with and I can't keep putting this stuff on my husband.  We celebrated 27 yrs together back in October and although he has been with me from the beginning with the MS, there is a little part of me that suspects he really doesn't get it.  I guess no one can unless they live it.

One big issue is that I have stopped taking my Rebif injections.  I simply cannot bring myself to poke myself with another effing syringe.  Husband thinks I am being very cavalier with my health and it makes him angry.  He believes strongly that if I don't take my injections and suffer a relapse it is my fault and inconveniences everyone.  I'm lost between "fuck you this is my life" and "you're right".  It's not like I am refusing medication all together.  I have been exploring and researching the oral meds available.  I have an appointment with my super star Neurologist, he rocks, at the the end of December.  I have told the husband I expect him to go with me and help me make this decision.  He's completely on board with going to my appointment.  Yay! I am concerned with the possible side effects and the fact that the orals really compromise my immune system.

Let's see anything else.  Oh yeah, I developed this crazy ass rash on my left arm and my checking account was hacked into for about $1000.00 of online purchases one of which was $125.00 for Birkenstock sandels. Really Birkenstocks?  More info on those exciting new developments to come.

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