Because M.S. can't stop me

I finally put this on my car.  I had it made about six months ago after I ran my very half marathon.  I never put it on the car.  I put it in on hanging inbox, and looked at it everyday, but never put it on the car.  

I'm not shy about talking about my M.S., but putting this on my car is an advertisement in a way.  I wasn't ready to deal  with being that open about my diagnosis.  I also didn't want to come off as some uber motivational person who can "do anything she sets her mind to and you should to", because that is not me. I do want people to know M.S. doesn't have to stop you from doing things.  It may alter how you go about achieving them, but it shouldn't be the reason you don't even try.   I wanted to try and see if I could do it so I did.  Will I ever run another half marathon?  Probably not, but not because of M.S., because I just really didn't enjoy the training process.  The constant worry that I was going to have relapse was always in the back of my mind.  It was simply to much pressure for me.  I love to run shorter races, 5k, 10k, and I will stick with those.

Multiple Sclerosis can't stop me from living my life.  I hope it doesn't stop you either.

Running

Yesterday I told my husband I give up on running. I said I wasn't getting any better after all these years, I'm still fat, and I'm just too old to keep starting over after every M.S. relapse.  I said I was tired and just plain done. I claimed I found no joy in running anymore.  My tirade included the fact that I'm sick of being cold all the time and the entire state of Ohio.   I was on a roll.  I was going to pack up my running gear and chuck it all.  I even flipped over the medal I earned in November for finishing my first half marathon so I couldn't see it. Nope I wasn't going to run ever again. I know I look ridiculous when I run.  I slap my right foot down too hard and it turns in.  I'm sick of having to start all over again after a relapse keeps me off my feet for weeks at a time.  Chup listened to all of this and didn't say a word.  He just stood there and took it all in. I said this was really it this time.  He still stayed silent.  I said, "I mean it, I'm done."  No reply.   I let the matter drop and went on with the rest of my night.  We went to bed and out of nowhere he said "so you're going to the park tomorrow?" I said "no", much like a pouty five year old would.

I ran 3 miles today.

It was a hard three miles.  My legs felt heavy and of course my slappy-mcslapperson gait was very prominent.  My head was itchy and my bra felt too tight.  I felt sluggish. 

The thing is after the first mile none of that mattered.  I got into my groove and just let everything fall away.  My legs still felt heavy, but I just told myself it was because they were working so hard.  There were squirrels, bunnies and deer everywhere.  I started to feel like Snow White.  I didn't notice my slappy feet, and my bra was much more comfortable.  I finished my three miles in a respectable time, but most important is that I started the three miles.  Once I got home Chup called and said he knew I would do it and I should be proud because I'm not sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.  He has a point.

I hope everyone who reads this has something they can feel proud of doing.  It's important when you are in a situation like ours to have at least one thing we do for ourselves that has nothing to do with our illness.

I connect

 

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