Running

Yesterday I told my husband I give up on running. I said I wasn't getting any better after all these years, I'm still fat, and I'm just too old to keep starting over after every M.S. relapse.  I said I was tired and just plain done. I claimed I found no joy in running anymore.  My tirade included the fact that I'm sick of being cold all the time and the entire state of Ohio.   I was on a roll.  I was going to pack up my running gear and chuck it all.  I even flipped over the medal I earned in November for finishing my first half marathon so I couldn't see it. Nope I wasn't going to run ever again. I know I look ridiculous when I run.  I slap my right foot down too hard and it turns in.  I'm sick of having to start all over again after a relapse keeps me off my feet for weeks at a time.  Chup listened to all of this and didn't say a word.  He just stood there and took it all in. I said this was really it this time.  He still stayed silent.  I said, "I mean it, I'm done."  No reply.   I let the matter drop and went on with the rest of my night.  We went to bed and out of nowhere he said "so you're going to the park tomorrow?" I said "no", much like a pouty five year old would.

I ran 3 miles today.

It was a hard three miles.  My legs felt heavy and of course my slappy-mcslapperson gait was very prominent.  My head was itchy and my bra felt too tight.  I felt sluggish. 

The thing is after the first mile none of that mattered.  I got into my groove and just let everything fall away.  My legs still felt heavy, but I just told myself it was because they were working so hard.  There were squirrels, bunnies and deer everywhere.  I started to feel like Snow White.  I didn't notice my slappy feet, and my bra was much more comfortable.  I finished my three miles in a respectable time, but most important is that I started the three miles.  Once I got home Chup called and said he knew I would do it and I should be proud because I'm not sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.  He has a point.

I hope everyone who reads this has something they can feel proud of doing.  It's important when you are in a situation like ours to have at least one thing we do for ourselves that has nothing to do with our illness.