I almost gave up

I almost gave up yesterday.  I was ready to quit everything. Running, not wasting my time anymore.  Blogging, who cares what I have say, done with it.  Cooking, why bother no one likes what I make anyway.  Cleaning, bah the same messes just keep coming back.  I was done.  My hair appointment, pointless, not going.

I was feeling salty and pretty sorry for myself.  Why?  I don't even know.  I was tired.  At least that's what I think.  I was tired of not being able to run for almost two weeks and knowing when I went out again it would feel like having to start over.  I didn't want to write anymore because I felt like even though I have been dealing with this crappy disease for over 20 yrs, others knew more and were probably a lot more helpful.  I don't even know if anyone reads these posts.  Making dinner was a hassle because I just couldn't think of what to make.  Honestly no one really complains about what cook, I just didn't want to put the effort into it.

All these things were just my body's way of telling me slow down.  Go easy on yourself today. It's just so hard for me to listen. I'm very hard on myself, especially since I don't work anymore.  I feel like I should always be doing something useful and significant or I will be perceived as lazy.  The thing is it's all in my own head.  My family never criticises me for what I can't do.  They never judge me or talk down to me.  I do all that to myself.  I'm still learning that I do not deserve to treat myself so poorly.  This disease is not something I can control.  I did not bring this on myself.  This is not a punishment.

So in the end I made an easy peasy dinner for the family. Everyone ate. I ran the sweeper.  I got my hair done, and came home to ooohhs and aaaaahs over my sassy new do.  I ended my night with a rousing game of UNO with my hubby and 11 year old.  It got quite loud and I'm still convinced there was a conspiracy because both were merciless on me with the draw2 and draw4 cards.

This morning I pulled my  running clothes out said to myself, "oh what the hell, I might as well try".  I ran 3.4 miles.  It was hard.  I feel damn good, and as you can see I'm writing.  I almost gave up yesterday.  I got over it today.